erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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