I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
