Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
