my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
