Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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