my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
