Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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