Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
