Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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