If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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