I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
