Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
