If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
