Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
