I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
