Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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