Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
try to milk me bitch
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