dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
did i just pee glitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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