He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
