Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just blew my weed a kiss
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
