I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
