An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
