Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
