Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
