She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
