I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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