i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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