remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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