I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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