You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
