Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize