My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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