you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
