i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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