He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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