how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
