the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
