Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i drank out of a bidet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
