idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
