i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
