ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
