My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
