Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
