the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
