ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
