I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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