How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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