everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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