He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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