Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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