my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
