He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
