separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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