Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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