I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
