What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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