Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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