I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
