I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
