Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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