I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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