You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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