We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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