i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
