i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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