I cannot find my penis.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.