Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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