Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
