If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
