he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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