Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
