What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
