He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
