So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
