god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
