my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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